One of the biggest fears we have before starting something new is to imagine the embarrassment we will face when we fail. We feel like the world is watching and judging our every move.

 

This is feeling is true when you skateboard or surf for the first time, and also applies to when you have to apply for college, fight for a promotion or propose an idea to your manager.

It is this fear that breeds hesitation that stops you from doing what you want to do.

 

In this article, we will explore 2 facts that will allay your anxiety about what others think about you, and 1 practical piece of advice to look smart and feel confident in any setting.

Let’s dive right in.

 

1. Nobody Really Cares

 

There. I said it. Maybe it hurts to hear this, but taking this in is a blessing in disguise.

 

Truth is,

 

Nobody cares about you as much as you think they do.

 

You are not the center of other people’s attention and will never be. This applies just the same to famous people like Brad Pitt or Elon Musk. Some people will care about what Pitt and Musk do or say; others simply will not care or even know they exist. That is reality.

 

It is, therefore, wrong for us to think that the world is constantly looking over our shoulders waiting to judge us at every turn.

 

Maybe they will occasionally smirk or leave a nasty comment, but rest assured that they will forget who you are and what you did after they swipe through their feed for 30 more seconds.

 

Another helpful tip to have in mind to overcome your fear of what others might think of you is asking yourself: “If I do this and it does not work out, will the outcome change my life in 10 years?”

 

You will find that 999 times out of 1,000 that the answer will be a resounding NO.

 

The world will not fall to pieces because you tried something and it did not work out. The result will be that people will keep doing what they are doing and you will be that much wiser for having tried something new.

 

Now, there might also be times that you do not want to disappoint your loved ones by doing something that they might disapprove of. Though it is painful to acknowledge this, we should realize and not shy away from the fact that people who we think are precious today, might not be that close to us 10 or even 1 year from now. They could fade into the realm of ‘acquaintances’ that you occasionally get notified of on Facebook.

 

Most times, it is not because you had a terrible fight that ends your relationship, but ‘life’ happening. Maybe your bestie will get married and move to another country. Maybe your coworker whom you spent the last 5 years having a blast with gets a new job offer in another city.

 

Therefore, pursue what you want to do because there is a great chance that those people who you care for that may disapprove of your decision will not be a significant part of your future. Ouch.

 

But this makes more sense when you look back to your past. How many of your closest friends 10 years ago are you still in close contact today? Probably very few. If so, what makes you think that it will be any different 10 years from now?

 

Though it is painful for us to take in, we must realize that this is extremely liberating. Because if you think about it, nothing can stop you from doing want to do but yourself.

 

So, remember. Life happens and things move on. People might say mean things but they will forget just as easily. So please do not feel stressed over what others might think of what you do. Just do it. Get it done.

 

 

2. You Will Survive

 

No matter the magnitude of the hardship you face, you will survive.

 

Maybe you will have some splinters here and there, a scraped knee, a broken bone at worst; but YOU WILL NOT DIE.

 

The only thing that will happen is that you will become stronger and more experienced by having gone through the challenge.

 

I know what you are thinking. It’s easier said than done. The Everest you have to climb looks too steep to climb, your muscles feel too fragile and you are tired just thinking about taking the first step.

 

But it’s ok to feel this way. It is a feeling that is universally shared by all of humanity.

 

The best thing we can do in such circumstances is not to focus on the mountain peak, but rather focus on the very very very first step. Just take a look at the mountain to make sure you are heading the right way but keep your eyes focused on your immediate next step.

 

That first step might be setting the alarm at the right time the day before so that you make sure you get your full 8-hour sleep. From there you can add one more tiny step by waking up on time and eating a healthy breakfast, then packing your gear and stepping out the door, getting to the bus stop that will take you to the mountain, and so on.

 

Even though reaching the mountain peak sounds daunting, it can be achieved by breaking down the big task into little tiny chunks that you can manage.

 

So, given that you know that you will survive regardless of how ridiculous the challenge seems at the outset, what I would recommend you to do is throw yourself out there in the world.

 

Get your hands and feet dirty and do something that you know is good for you. I mean, pick up that difficult project nobody wants to take on at work, take part in the cross-country running expedition with your friend who is always asking you to come, begin reading that book that you never find time to read.

 

The experience itself might suck but you will learn to adapt, perhaps even enjoy it, and become much more nimble, strong, and resilient in the end. You will love the new you and will thank yourself for having gone through the trouble of challenging yourself.

 

 

3. Learn MECE

 

Here is where I slip in a practical tip on how to feel confident in any setting. It is learning how to think MECE.

 

So what is MECE?

 

MECE stands for ‘Mutually Exclusive, Comprehensively Exhaustive’. It is a really difficult way to say: making non-overlapping and comprehensive categories.

 

So why will MECE help you feel more confident?

 

This is because it will allow you to be 100% certain that whatever thought, reply, or action you take in a MECE way will be logical and reasonable.

 

By applying MECE, you will be able to think, speak and behave on your feet and create solutions that others are willing to accept. It is almost like a super-power.

 

So let’s take a look at some examples of bad MECE thinking and good MECE thinking to make sure we understand the concept properly.

 

For example, ‘black and white’ is not MECE. This is because the oppositive of black, a color, is not white. Black is one of billions and billions of colors, which means that it does not have an opposite. Not black does not mean white, and vice versa; therefore, it is not ‘mutually exclusive’.

 

Similarly, it is challenging to group people by their hobbies. This is because a single individual may appear under more than one hobby category—so the individual will overlap across several categories. Also, there might be customers who simply might not have hobbies and will be excluded from this framework; therefore, it is not ‘comprehensively exhaustive’. This is not MECE.

 

Good MECE examples are:

• Economy: supply, demand
• Gender: girl, boy
• Dinner options: eat-in, eat-out
• Age: below 16, above 16
• Revenue: price x quantity
• Cost: variable cost + fixed cost
• Making a dumpling for girlfriend: buy ingredient at local grocery → walk back home → make dumpling → package it nicely → take over to girlfriend’s home → deliver

 

Let’s explore this a bit more. If we were to look at the world from the standpoint of an economist, everything could be split into either supply or demand. The opposite of supply is demand and vice-versa so it is ‘mutually exclusive’. And if we remove the concepts ‘supply and demand’… well… there is no economy so it is ‘comprehensively exhaustive’. Therefore, ‘supply and demand’ is MECE.

 

Now let me be honest with you.

 

Getting into the habit of thinking MECE is not easy. What we may think is MECE at first might actually not be MECE at all. The framework we choose might have some elements that overlap or we might fail to capture the entire picture. This is why we need practice to become good at it.

 

A helpful tool you can use to make MECE thinking easier is to build issue trees.

 

I found an excellent resource on how to make issues trees here.

 

I also wrote a comprehensive article on problem-solving in which I explore the idea of issue tree and MECE thinking in great depth so feel free to check it out here.

 

In an issue tree, all that you are doing is applying MECE thinking on paper. The diagram below is a good example of this.

 

Using an issue tree can help you understand all the solutions possible to a particular problem.

 

If we are faced with the question: ‘Why are more clients of a Telco company (i.e., AT&T) unsubscribing from their mobile services?’

 

A MECE approach to answering this question might be (1) they wanted to unsubscribe (2) they didn’t want to unsubscribe but they were forced out for some reason.

 

(1) and (2) are MECE because the decrease in Telco subscribers may be caused by either (1) or (2). The opposite of (1) is (2) making it ‘mutually exclusive’ and having (1) and (2) covers the entire possibility of outcomes making it ‘comprehensively exhaustive’.

 

Now that you know what MECE thinking and issue tree is, you need to put into practice what you have learned.

 

One fun(?) way to practice is to grab an article from the internet that you find interesting and try figuring out the title.

 

For example, recently I found an interesting article: ‘Korea may have to import surgeons in the future‘

 

 

This seemed quite odd to me. It seemed strange that Korea had to import surgeons from abroad when I knew that Koreans normally were well known for being diligent and hard-working.

 

My intuition told me that the reason for the lack of surgeons within Korea was not because Koreans were lazy or un-talented.

 

Also, having to import surgeons implied that there is significant demand for surgeons within Korea so this is not a demand-side problem. This was a supply-side problem.

 

But what could be stopping talented young Koreans from becoming surgeons in Korea?

 

From here, I decided to apply MECE thinking and build an issue tree to dig further into why young Koreans are not becoming surgeons. You can see my issue tree below:

 

 

After drawing this issue tree, I was confident that I hit all possible reasons for the lack of Korean surgeons. I then read the article and realized that several of my branches were right!

 

Surgeon as a job was not attractive because of terrible hours and uncertain career prospects. Low pay compared to other similar career paths such as plastic surgery surgeons or even dentists was another important reason why young Koreans were not drawn to become surgeons.

 

Just like I did above, you can take 30 minutes a day to sift through internet news articles, find one that has an intriguing title, and then drill down using MECE thinking and issue tree to list out all possible answers that might provide a solution to said title.

 

If you think this is a skill that you would like to master, you can check out my private lesson here.

 

 

TLDR

 

Being confident in today’s world is a tough job. Internet and social media have made it is so easy for us to compare ourselves with other more successful people. However, today we discovered 2 facts and 1 practical tip that will help us boost our level of confidence.

 

One fact is that people do not normally care about what we do and whether we succeed or fail at it. Even if they do, it does not last; therefore, there is no point in troubling ourselves to what others have to say.

 

The second fact is that challenging ourselves will only make us more nimble, strong, and resilient. No matter how difficult the challenge we will not die. Challenges do not break us but make us. So get yourself out there and do what you want to do by breaking down big tasks into smaller digestible chunks and tackling them one by one. You can do it!

 

Lastly, we discovered the importance and power of MECE thinking and building issue trees. It will help you think on your feet and you will be able to consistently create logical and coherent thought which will translate into intelligent speech, writing, and action.

 

There you have it! If there are other facts or practical tips that you know or have applied yourself that helped you boost your level of confidence, please let me know. I would love to learn from you!